Why Would Anyone Follow You? Crafting a Practical Leadership Framework that Engages

Leadership development is my passion! As someone who designs leadership experiences, I often face the challenge of selecting the right skills and capabilities to focus on in my workshops.

With AI estimating that over a million books have been written on leadership, the sheer volume of knowledge is staggering. Even with my personal study of 100+ books on the subject, narrowing down an effective skill set for a workshop can feel overwhelming. Listing all the desirable business acumen, interpersonal abilities, and character traits of effective leaders would produce a massive, impractical list.

So, what’s a leadership learning designer like me to do?

The answer: Start with a different question.

My question is simple yet profound: Why would anyone want to follow you? After all, leadership without followers is not really leadership. This question became the foundation of my research and approach.

In my exploration, I asked others to think of someone—living or not—whom they would willingly follow if that person were present and invited them to join. I then asked, Why would you follow them? What qualities or actions make their leadership compelling?

The answers were strikingly consistent. People are drawn to follow:

• A person of GREAT CHARACTER

• A leader who believes in SERVING THEIR FOLLOWERS

Now, this was something concrete. Two essential qualities—a manageable core to shape a leadership development framework around.

From here, I considered another layer: how leadership traits and skills evolve across different levels of organizational leadership, from self-leadership to leading teams and ultimately to leading an entire organization. How does each stage demand a shift in skills and mindset?

Without further ado, here’s the framework I developed to design impactful leadership programs across various levels within an organization.

The Leadership Development Framework

Lead Self – Foundation of Integrity

The first step in leadership is mastering self-leadership, with Integrity as the core concept. This is about aligning your actions with your words—practicing what you preach. Integrity forms the foundation of your leadership character. Four essential skills contribute to this:

• Excellence: Strive to be exceptional in your field, constantly growing and mastering technical skills.

• Trustworthiness: Build trust by embodying sincerity, competence, reliability, credibility, empathy, and integrity, and develop the skills to repair trust if broken.

• Values Alignment: Make decisions based on your values, ensuring your actions reflect them. When your work aligns with your core values, it can even become a calling, a place where passion meets purpose.

• Stewardship: Carefully manage the resources entrusted to you—your time, talents, and treasures.

With a foundation of integrity, you can advance to leading others.

Lead Others – The Principle of Service

In leading others, Service is essential. Serving builds relationships, engagement, and followership. After all, leadership without followers isn’t really leadership. To serve others effectively, you’ll need these key skills:

• Coaching Growth: Support others in their pursuit of excellence.

• Providing Feedback: Offer feedback that promotes growth and restores trust and be open to receiving feedback as well.

• Conflict Resolution: Serve as a peacemaker by facilitating resolutions that align with shared values and create win-win outcomes.

• Encounter Listening: Build relationships by truly knowing others through deep understanding and showing empathy.

Once you gain that followership, you’re prepared for the next level: leading the organization.

Lead the Charge – The Balance of Polarities

At the organizational level, leadership often centers around change. To lead change effectively, your followers need to believe in your character and know you prioritize service. The core concept at this level is Polarity—the ability to balance competing demands and make nuanced decisions in complex situations. Four critical polarities to master include:

• The WHAT Polarity: Balance the Present with the Past and Future. Respect past achievements while inspiring forward momentum. Ensure your vision is grounded in practical strategies and the core competencies of your organization.

• The HOW Polarity: Balance Forward Progress with Flexibility. Building trust is key to getting buy-in, while remaining open to feedback and adapting based on what’s working or where adjustments are needed.

• The WHY Polarity: Integrate Head and Heart. Balance data-driven decisions with consideration for people’s emotions, concerns, and intuitions, creating solutions that resonate logically and emotionally.

• The WHO Polarity: Know when to Lead and when to Follow. Guide the journey while also supporting and empowering others, practicing humility alongside strong professional will.

Building on Each Level

Each skill level builds on the previous one, forming a cohesive growth path. For example:

• Excellence: You can only coach growth in others if you’ve committed to your own development. At the organizational level, ensure that your team is continually developing the skills needed to meet future goals.

• Trust: You must have developed skills for building and mending trust on a personal level before you can effectively offer or receive feedback. At the organizational level, honest feedback is essential to maintain flexibility and make timely adjustments to plans.

In summary, this framework provides a practical roadmap for developing leaders who embody integrity, prioritize service, and drive meaningful change. By mastering essential skills at each level, leaders can effectively lead with purpose while fostering a dedicated and engaged followership every step of the way.

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Want to delve deeper into the skills of leadership? Check out my book, Joyful Leadership.

Is Trust Fragile?

Is Trust Fragile?

I've been pondering this question lately, prompted by the heartache of a broken relationship where trust was shattered beyond repair. It makes me wonder: How did we reach this point? How did trust become so fragile that the bond between us became irreparable?

Trust is a bond forged between two people; built on the mutual belief that they can rely on each other. The song "You've Got a Friend in Me" comes to mind—a reminder of the comfort and security trust brings.

In my exploration of trust, I’ve come to understand that it comprises six core facets. Imagine each facet as a strand, intricately woven together to create an incredibly resilient bond.

The strands of trust are:

• Sincere

• Competent

• Reliable

• Credible

• Empathetic

• Integrity-filled

So, what does it take to destroy this bond?

 Consider a scenario where I fail to keep a promise. Stephen Covey referred to this as a withdrawal from the relational bank account. My balance decreases; the strand of reliability begins to fray. However, if I approach the situation with sincerity and empathy—apologizing for my actions and acknowledging the hurt I've caused—my past record of reliability and integrity can help reinforce the weakened strand until I can restore its strength by keeping future promises.

This sounds like a strong bond, doesn’t it? Perhaps trust isn’t as fragile as it seems.

Yet, let’s consider what happens if I break that promise and fail to show sincerity and empathy. If I don't make an effort to rebuild the broken trust, the damage to one strand begins to spread to others. The fracture in reliability is exacerbated by my lack of empathy, which leads to an unwillingness to apologize or make amends. If I've broken several promises before, the entire strand may be so frayed that it’s on the verge of snapping.

So, is trust fragile? I believe the answer is yes, but it doesn't have to be.

Going Deeper: The Power of Trust, Faithfulness, and Love in Building Strong Relationships

Want to delve deeper into the concept of trust? Check out my book, Joyful Leadership, and explore Chapter 2: Being Trustworthy.

Two Questions of Leadership

In choosing the path of leadership, one must ask two fundamental questions:

• Why would anyone want to follow you?

• Why do you want to lead?

Answering the first question is the core purpose of my book, Joyful Leadership.  Drawing on over 30 years of research and practical experience, Joyful Leadership highlights two fundamental elements crucial to effective leadership:  the leader’s character and their dedication to service. 

Dedication to service hints at the second question, “Why do you want to lead?”  Let me share where I was first exposed to that question.

Back when I was in college studying psychology, a new book came out: Servant Leadership, by Robert Greenleaf. My professor had just given me a gift certificate to the bookstore in thanks for a project I had helped him with. I had heard two of my professors discussing the book, saying it would change how people thought about leadership. So, I went and picked it up.

Here’s what I read:

“The idea of the servant as leader came out of reading Hermann Hesse’s Journey to the East. In this story we see a band of men on a mythical journey, probably also Hesse’s own journey. The central figure of the story is Leo, who accompanies the party as the servant who does their menial chores but who also sustains them with his spirit and his song. He is a person of extraordinary presence. All goes well until Leo disappears. Then the group falls into disarray, and the journey is abandoned. They cannot make it without the servant Leo. The narrator, one of the party, after some years of wandering, finds Leo and is taken into the order that had sponsored the journey. There he discovers that Leo, whom he had known first as a servant, was in fact the titular head of the order, its guiding spirit, a great and noble leader. ”

— Servant Leadership

I still think about that paragraph frequently; it has had an immense impact on the way I’ve thought about my own leadership and how I have taught others. Imagine an organization where every leader gave an answer of servanthood.  What’s your answer?

Joyful Leadership vs. Generative AI

My book, Joyful Leadership, is about to be released.  It’s getting set-up for print-on-demand as I write this.  From initial concept to today, it’s been 4 years in the writing.  Truly a labor of love.

Last week, I took a workshop on generative AI.  The workshop was fascinating. It focused on how to leverage AI as a brainstorming tool to help you write resumes / cover letters and prepare for interviews.  The workshop included one story from a recruiter who received 5 identical cover letters for a position. No doubt AI generated.  What did the recruiter do?  Threw all 5 applications in the trash.  Important lesson here: AI can help you get started, but it should never replace your personal expertise and experience.  Or could it?

To answer that question, I share with you the results of the challenge:  Joyful Leadership vs. Generative AI.  Does my book offer more than what anyone can find through generative AI?  Below you will see a shortened version of what AI generated to the following questions.  All questions asked are explored in my book.  For contrast, I pulled a paragraph or two from Joyful Leadership, so you could get a sense as to how the book answers the same question.

1st Question:  Write a 3-point blog that answers the question from a leader’s perspective: “Why would anyone want to follow you?”

• Generative AI

  Title: "Leadership Unveiled: Three Compelling Reasons to Follow Me"

  Leadership is not merely a position; it's a responsibility to inspire, guide, and empower those around you. If you're contemplating why anyone would want to follow me as a leader, here are three compelling reasons that define my leadership philosophy:

  ·       Visionary Leadership

  ·       Empathetic Connection

  ·       Commitment to Growth and Development

• Joyful Leadership

  Why would anyone want to follow you? I love this provocative question for its focus on the relationship between leader and follower, where the heart of leadership lies. 

  For over thirty years, I’ve been helping leaders answer this question. Together we have discovered that the answer has two parts. First, people want leaders of great character. Second, they want to follow someone who believes leadership is about service.

2nd Question:  Write a blog on the 5 core character traits of a great leader

• Generative AI

  Title: "Leadership Unveiled: Embracing the 4 Core Character Traits of Great Leaders"

  Leadership is more than just a position; it's a reflection of character. Great leaders are not defined solely by their titles but by the traits that shape their actions and influence. In this exploration of leadership, let's uncover the four core character traits that distinguish exceptional leaders from the rest.

  ·       Integrity:  The Foundation of Trust

  ·       Empathy:  Connecting on a Human Level

  ·       Resilience:  Navigating Challenges with Grace

  ·       Vision:  Guiding the Way Forward

• Joyful Leadership

  Becoming a great leader is no easy task; it is a development journey that spans an entire career and lifetime.

  The first part of this book focuses on self-leadership; that is, becoming a leader of great character. What character traits inspire you to follow? Do you follow people of integrity? Do you admire leaders who are always striving to be the best they can be? Are you thankful for the leader who has your back, encouraging you when things get tough?

  Self-leadership is about leading yourself toward your best self. It’s asking the tough questions about who you want to become and what you can do every day to grow into a leader of great character. Self-leadership is about creating a vision of the leader you want to be and then choosing daily practices and actions to help you become that leader.

  Joyful Leadership focus on: 

  ·       Excellence in All you Do

  ·       Being Trustworthy

  ·       Acting with Integrity

  ·       Living a Lifestyle of Stewardship

Follow-up question:  From the viewpoint of a leader, answer the question, “How do I build trust?”

• Generative AI

  Title: "Trust in Leadership: A Blueprint for Building and Nurturing Trust"

  Trust is the currency of effective leadership. As a leader, the ability to build and sustain trust is foundational to fostering a positive work environment, enhancing collaboration, and achieving collective success. Here's a blueprint for cultivating trust within your leadership role:

  ·       Lead with Unwavering Integrity

  ·       Demonstrate Competence and Expertise

  ·       Foster Open and Transparent Communication

  ·       Empower and Support Your Team

  ·       Consistency is Key

• Joyful Leadership

  The Leader Know-How section within ‘Being Trustworthy’ describes the six facets of building trust with multiple actions and ideas for building trust in each of these facets.

  ·       Sincere

  ·       Competent

  ·       Reliable

  ·       Credible

  ·       Empathy

  ·       Integrity

3rd Question:  Write a 4-point blog on what leaders can do to strengthen the relationship with their followers

• Generative AI

  Title: "Leadership Bonds: Four Strategies to Strengthen Relationships with Followers"

  Leadership is not just about guiding from the front; it's about forging strong and meaningful connections with those you lead. Building and strengthening the relationship with your followers is essential for fostering a positive and productive work environment. Here are four strategies leaders can employ to nurture and enhance these crucial relationships:

  ·       Cultivate Open and Transparent Communications

  ·       Demonstrate Empathy and Understanding

  ·       Provide Opportunities for Growth and Development

  ·       Lead by Example with Consistency

• Joyful Leadership

  Let’s return to the opening question: Why would anyone follow you? My experience and research discovered that people want leaders of great character who believe leadership is about service. We now turn to the second part of the answer.

  The heart of leadership is about the relationships we nurture through love of others. Just as the heart muscle pumps the blood, circulating what we need to live throughout our bodies, the heart of leadership also circulates what we need to nurture others. Without the heart pumping, we die. Without ongoing nurturing of the relationship, our leadership dies, because no one is willing to follow.

  What are the leadership skills that keep the lifeblood of love circulating in our relationships? Let’s consider:

  ·       Servant leadership and coaching excellence

  ·       Forgiveness and feedback

  ·       Prayer and conflict

  ·       The greatest of these ... love and encounter listening

Follow-up question:  From the viewpoint of a leader, answer the question, “What is a good conversational framework for resolving conflict?”

• Generative AI

  Title: "Navigating Conflict: A Leader's Guide to Constructive Conversations"

  Conflict is an inevitable aspect of any workplace, but it's how leaders address and resolve these conflicts that can define the strength of a team. Adopting a well-structured conversational framework is crucial for resolving conflicts constructively. Here's a guide for leaders seeking to navigate conflicts effectively:

  ·       Initiate with Empathy and Active Listening

  ·       Clarify Perception and Concerns

  ·       Identify Common Ground and Shared Goals

  ·       Generate Collaborative Solutions

  ·       Establish Clear Agreements and Follow-up

• Joyful Leadership

  The Leader Know-How section shares a conversational framework for resolving conflict – titled:  The Peacemaker Conversation.

  ·       Identify the shared conflict

  ·       Share why it is important for you to make changes

  ·       Share what you would like to do about it

  ·       Ask the person for a reaction

  ·       Dialogue on how you can work together on this

  ·       What are you both willing to do?

  ·       Agree on your plan and next steps

  ·       Ask for support and show appreciation

What did I learn from my challenge ?  

• One of the most difficult parts of writing a book is creating the high-level organizing structure.  This capability comes from experience and a lot of thinking / writing / thinking / re-writing / thinking / starting over….  you get the idea.  On this point, Joyful Leadership wins.  I really don’t know how AI could compete with this human capability.

• In writing the challenge questions, I needed a lot of knowledge of the topic to even generate what I was looking for.  For example, when I asked the first question about ‘followers’ without the context of leadership, I got an answer pertaining to social media followership.  So once again, real world experience and human knowledge wins the game.

• And finally, I found the answers provided by AI a good starting point, but not very deep – just a bunch of current buzzwords like empowerment, transparency, or empathy.  After I read the description of each bullet point (which I didn’t include above), I wanted to ask another question.  For example, “How do I Navigate Challenges with Grace – Resilience?  Even when I asked the follow-up questions, looking for more specific know-how, the answers stayed at the surface level.  My sense that the answers were not very deep, also showed up in the repetitiveness of the answers.  It seemed the general topic of ‘leadership’ overweighed the more specific question I was asking. 

Bottom line, I believe Joyful Leadership provides you with the depth you are looking for as you answer the question, “Why would anyone want to follow you?”  I hope you agree. (And you won’t have to ask AI more than 100 questions to cover everything in the book.  It’s all in one place).

Visit:   https://www.westbowpress.com/bookstore

If you want to purchase a copy – it’s available through my publisher – WestBow Press 

A Leader's Mindset

“Listen, with the eyes of the heart”

— Carol Gabriella

Carol Gabriella Norbeck

In my soon to be published book, Joyful Leadership, I share tools on how-to develop strong relationships with your followers through coaching, providing feedback and resolving conflict. In each of these chapters, I encourage leaders to check their mindset before starting those relational conversations. The mindset in which you enter a conversation sets the tone and foundation for what follows.

Coaching  Mindset

Some of the key elements of the mindset of a coach are:

Staying coachee-focused

• What’s in their best interest?

• How might I serve them in their journey?

• Where could they be great?  Where do they need to move from good to great?

Mutual trust

• Where do they need support? Where do they need to be challenged?

• Can we firmly rely on each other?

• Can we speak the truth in love?

Discover approach – Am I willing to:

• Explore (vs. explain)

• Listen (vs. lecture)

• Ask (vs. answer)

• Pull (vs. push)

Feedback mindset

The purpose of feedback is to help people reflect on what just happened – what went well and what didn’t – and then consider what they will do next, so that they can continue to grow and learn.  Marshall Goldsmith calls this feedforward. We all want to give feedback so that it is heard, understood, accepted, and changes behavior.  As I researched the criteria for helpful feedback, I found many of the same tips repeated: be timely, give a specific example, create a SMART plan of action, and follow up.  These tips are all good, but from my point of view, the critical key to successful feedback is: has the person giving the feedback examined his or her intentions?  Perhaps a comparison would be helpful here:

FeedFORWARD

• Focus on the future

• Exploring, discovering, growing

• Receiver focused

• Opportunity to strengthen the relationship

FeedBACK

• Focus on the past

• Knowing, telling, correction

• Giver focused

• Careful not to harm the relationship

Conflict resolution Mindset

Consider the mindset difference between being a peacekeeper and a peacemaker. A peacemaker approaches the conversation with the intentions of care and humility instead of pride and self-righteousness. A peacemaker listens and understands the other first, and then builds a bridge to resolution.  A peacemaker strives to create a win-win solution with buy-in!  A peacemaker is mindful that his or her behavior in conflict takes courage of your convictions.  Joyful leaders, even in the midst of an argument, let their values guide them through the conflict, so that on the other side, their integrity will be intact.  Our actions, particularly during a heart-wrenching conflict, demonstrate the values we use to guide our lives.

Returning to The quote

Perhaps instead of mindset, I should have called it your heartset. A Joyful Leader is best recognized through acts that grow out of a heart filled with care and concern for the other person. A heart that truly ‘sees’ the other person and creates a trustful space for relationship building conversations.

Body Language: A communication tool for receiving and sending information

When I give a talk on body language, people want to know:  What does it mean if I cross my arms?  Should I be leaning forward or leaning backward when giving feedback?  Is it okay to talk with my hands?  What about eye contact?  Should I…?  Shouldn’t I…?

 The answer is… IT DEPENDS.

 Communicating through body language is less about specific gestures and more about what the entire body stance communicates (definition stance – the position or bearing of the body while standing).  This applies to both receiving and sending information through body language. 

Receiving Information through Body Stance

Receiving information through body stance is intuitive.  In my talk I show this picture. Everyone instinctively knows this woman is stressed.  We don’t need a degree in body language interpretation to understand what is going on internally.  However, the part of understanding body stance where leaders often need development is the emotional intelligence connection, i.e., is my empathetic sensor working such that I slow down, interpret what I’m seeing and adjust my conversational approach?  When she’s in this stressed-out body stance, saying to her, “What’s going on with project X?  And why is it behind schedule and over cost?” is not an emotionally intelligent way to start the conversation.  I’ve seen leaders do this many times; not observe the audience, fail to adjust the approach, and then act shocked when the message is poorly received!

The first lesson of interpreting body stance is:  What’s happening on the inside is creating what is happening on the outside.  Slow down, use what you perceive on the outside as clues to what’s happening inside and adjust your approach accordingly.

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement, but the opposite of a great truth is another great truth.”

— Niels Bohr

Sending Information through Body Stance

If what’s happening on the inside is reflected on the outside, could it also be true that what is happening on the outside could impact what’s happening inside of us?  If we change our body stance (outside), might we feel and think differently (inside)?  Might our body stance predispose us to think and act in a certain way?  You might find it interesting that the second definition of stance is: a mental or emotional position adopted with respect to something.  Hmmm…

For example, as I teach managers how to give effective feedback, they sometimes have a difficult time getting their mindset right.  The mindset is often one of discipline vs. a mindset of discovery (that is, figuring out together what we could do to get performance back on track).  I don’t know about you, but I stand very differently when I am in discipline mode vs. discovery mode.  Just ask my children – Mom standing with her feet firmly planted and her hands on her hips is NOT a good sign.  But if I catch myself and shake out my shoulders and loosen up my stance, I find my mental attitude shifts.  I’m much less likely to think ‘discipline’ thoughts and then act as a disciplinarian.  In a relaxed, open stance, I’m much more likely to have a discovery mindset and ask my children a question about what happened. 

Try it!

Take a moment and SMILE. Feel the shift in your mood and perspective

Your body stance can take the lead on establishing the internal mindset you want.  And when your stance and your mindset are integrated, your communication is more effective.  Shifting your outside (body) shifts what happens inside (mood and attitude) enabling you to create a better, holistic, approach. 

Actors know this.  Greatness in acting is not just a well-read line – it is a line delivered well through intonation, gestures, and body stance.  In my coaching certification program we were taught (and practiced) four basic body postures – just like actors study.  The point of the practice of body postures in my coaching program?  To learn to match my body posture to the needs of the interaction, creating a shift in my internal mood and mindset.  And the reason we had to practice the different body postures is that most of us are stuck in 1 or 2 body postures, and therefore can’t leverage the full range of body stance to help us shift our inside.  (My personal weakness was the flexibility stance – and so I had to practice hula hooping for 2 months to learn to embody flexibility!)

The second lesson of body language is:  What happens on the outside effects what’s happening inside of us. Learn to use your body stance to adjust your internal perspective.  Slow down, adjust your stance and your mindset will follow.

4 Body Stances

 A quick summary of the four body stances follows. As your read through the four body postures, ask yourself:

• Which stance is most comfortable?

• Which stance is least comfortable?

• Where are each of the stances needed in my work and life?

• How might I practice shifting my stance to better fit the situation?

• Determination - The Stance of the Warrior

  The Stance

  • Feet – One foot slightly forward, weight shifts forward

  • Breath – Full, deep into belly, vigorously

  • Chest – Full and forward

  • Muscles – Arms and legs strong

  • Eyes – Focused just about the horizon on a single point of direction

  • Face – Shows Determination

  Picture it! Film Role: Arnold Schwarzenegger – The Terminator

  Creates the Mental Orientation of: Forward to an Important Goal

  Use at work to: Set direction, lead forward, breakthrough obstacles, create focus, make dreams come true

• Openness - the stance of the lover

  The Stance

  • Feet – One foot slightly back, Weight shifts back

  • Breath – Easy, gentle

  • Chest – Open, like a container

  • Muscles – Light muscular tone

  • Eyes – Soft gaze toward the other person

  • Face – Gentle smile, head slightly tilted to the side

  Picture it! Film Role: Aunt Bea – The Andy Griffith Show

  Creates the Mental Orientation of: Receiving, Connecting, Inviting

  Use at work to: Welcome members to a newly formed team, give and receive feedback, enroll people in a new idea, listen for understanding, support others in personal crisis

• Stability - The stance of the Sovereign

  The Stance

  • Feet – Firmly planted, weight evenly balanced – legs and arms

  • Breath – Even and Measured – equal length to inhale / exhale

  • Chest – Emblazoned with your insignia

  • Muscles – At attention

  • Eyes – Forward, looking over your domain

  • Face – Assured and assuring

  Picture it! Film Role: Jack Nicholson – A Few Good Men

  Creates the Mental Orientation of: Consistent, Firm, Secure, Rules

  Use at work to: Create process standardization, establish policy, reduce ambiguity, make logic based decisions, hold people accountable, provide safe ground

• Flexibility - The Stance of the Magician

  The Stance

  • Feet – Shifting left to right, weight on balls of feet

  • Breath – Breath slightly accelerated, almost chuckling

  • Chest – Flexible, fluid

  • Muscles – Fluid, flexible

  • Eyes – Alert, open wide, with a twinkle

  • Face – Playful smile or grin

  Picture it! Film Role: George Clooney – Ocean’s 11

  Creates the Mental Orientation of: Play, letting go, wonder, experimentation

  Use at work to: Brainstorm ideas, break from a routine, let go / change, play (flair and fun), learn, create

Time Management Tips for the New Year

Time is the quality of nature that keeps events from happening all at once.

Lately, it doesn’t seem to be working.

Anonymous

This time of year, I try to put healthy time management practices into place, because I know this year is going to be no different than last year.  As the quote above hints:  Too much to do + Too little time = Stress.  Being one of the most popular topics in my leadership development classes, I thought I’d share with you 5 unique tips I’ve gleaned from these leaders for what I call a time-rich lifestyle.

 Create your to-be list (not just your to-do list):  Your to-be list clarifies goals you have for your life, and therefore it guides you toward what is important for you to do. It’s very similar to the way your values act as guideposts for the decisions you make.  If you are familiar with the Eisenhower priority matrix of Important x Urgent, having your to-be list helps you focus on what is ‘Important for YOU to do’ because it helps shape you into what you want to become.

 One thing: I got this tip from a Senior VP at Xerox (Thank you Jim). I was facilitating a leadership development workshop, and we had just covered this topic in class. Jim joined us to have a question-and-answer session with these early high potential leaders. One of the participants asked him, “what do you do to manage time effectively?” Jim shared that as he’s driving to work in the morning, he asks himself this: what is the one thing that, if I do it today, will have a significant impact on the business of Xerox? Then he commits to getting that one thing done, today, no matter what. Isn’t that an excellent question? What’s the one thing that you could accomplish today that would make an impact on your life and the lives of others? It doesn’t have to be a big one thing. It just must be done.

 Balance periods of focus with periods of rest: Remember that your brain, like your body, needs periods of rest to maintain optimum performance. Research says we can concentrate for about 2 hours before stress sets in. Make sure you schedule breaks of about 10-15 minutes every couple of hours so your frenzied brain can return to your focus brain.  We’ve all had this experience: we’ve been working and working and working on something, when finally, after making no progress, we give up. Perhaps we stretch, get a snack, or talk to a colleague for a few minutes. And what happens on the way back to our desks? Dingdingding! There’s the answer. Your frenzied brain had taken over. The break allowed your focus brain to return. Give yourself breaks, especially when you give up your precious evening time to work. Do it in what I call energy intervals: set a timer and give work just 90 more minutes tonight. After that, stop and feel good about what you’ve accomplished; you’ll get more done in the morning if you get a good night’s rest.

 Learn to Say No (thank you): This tip is so hard for many of us, particularly when we feel guilty about possibly disappointing someone else – or, more positively, when we want to help others. However, the reality is, you can’t do it all. There just isn’t enough time. You must be committed to your priorities and decline other requests. A few ideas to help you say yes to what matters most:

• No vs. Yes: Remember, you are saying no to one thing so you can have time to say yes to something you’ve already chosen as critical. Your critical priorities make a difference in your life and the lives of the people you serve.

• Seek Support: Find someone (a partner or close friend) to remind you not to commit to anything more. Sometimes my husband lovingly puts it this way: “I forbid you to take that on.” Although he would never really give me an order like that, I appreciate his firmness in reminding me of my goals.

• Redirect: Recommend someone else who might be a great fit for a task. Encourage and mentor that person.

• Prioritize: if one person, such as your boss, is giving you many “important” things to do, insist that s/he help prioritize them for you. One way to begin is to provide your boss with a realistic expectation about what you are 100% confident you can complete, 75% confident and 50% confident. These estimates are a great way to transition the conversation into other resources you might need to get more done.

 And finally, remember there really is too much to do each day, so enjoy the struggle of the juggle. Because we have just twenty-four hours in a day, we can live with intention. We can choose to spend our time on activities that have meaning for us, are on our to-be list, refuel our energy to run the good race and permit us to spend time with those we deeply love.

Goal Setting for the Rest of Us

“Goal setting is about choosing a destination and then carving out a system—or path—for getting there. It is the act of selecting a target, deciding what process you’ll employ to reach that objective, and centering your focus.”

— RISE: Setting Goals that Actually Work

If you are like me, you set ambitious goals for yourself, only to see them fade away as the busy-ness of the day takes its toll.  As per the quote from RISE, I seem to get the first part (choosing a destination), but carving out a path for getting there, is what trips me up.  Here are five tips for achieving your goals through centering your focus and firming up your system for getting there. 

 Centering your Focus:

1.  A goal is a desirable future event (often including a date).  The acronym SMART is a way to ensure clarity.  Below are some questions you can ask yourself:

• Specific:  What do I want to achieve? What daily, actionable steps will I take?

• Measurable:  What does that achievement look like? How will I know I’m successful?  What could be my metrics?

• Achievable:  What resources will I need?  What roadblocks can I expect?  What sacrifices am I willing to make?  How will I maintain discipline along the way?

• Relevant:  Why is this goal important to me?  What is the benefit of achieving this goal?  How does this goal fit with my larger life purpose?

• Time-Bound:  What is the timeframe? What are the milestones?

 2.  A little more on specific.  Try creating a clear image of success in your mind.  What will you be saying or doing when you reach the goal? How will your daily routine change?  What other positive side benefits will emerge?  A fun way to do this is to write a short story (or poem) about your journey to the goal, roadblocks and milestones along the way, and the feeling of success when you arrive.

 Firming up your System:

3.  Take a page from Daniel Pink’s book When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing.  The book uncovers the secret role that timing plays in our work and daily lives.  Pink reminds us to use beginnings, midpoints, and endings to maximize momentum on work projects or personal pursuits.

 4.  And take 2 pages from Wendy Wood and her book, Good Habits, Bad Habits: The Science of Making Positive Changes That Stick.

• ‘Habits are created in “the moment.”  And we learn habitually when a moment brings us joy.’  Find the joy in the journey, not just the destination.

• Try Habit Stacking:  Habit Stacking is the premise that we can stack, or piggyback, a wanted behavior on top of one that we already have.  It works by encouraging us to use existing cues to form new, desired habits.

 5.  Enlist an accountability partner.  Ask someone to be your ‘goal nag’.  Every time they see you, they will ask, “How is it going?”  And look very disappointed if you haven’t been taking steps to pursue your goal.  Add a little extra commitment, by being their accountability partner.

ASK - LISTEN - ACT: getting good people to stay engaged

A must-read book for all managers is entitled:  Love ‘em or Lose ‘em:  getting good people to stay.  The authors detail in their book 26 different strategies (from A to Z) that managers can use to get people to stay motivated and engaged.  All at no cost!  The book begins with the primary strategy:  ASK:  What keeps you?

And of course, asking is the necessary first step.  How can we keep people engaged, if we don’t know what is important to them?  Certainly, many factors are similar for many people.  Factors like exciting work, a challenge, learning and development, working with great people and a good boss.  But just as each person is unique, so are each person’s needs and motivation.   So, to be a good boss, you certainly must ask.

However, getting good people to stay engaged just doesn’t happen because you ask.  Getting good people to stay requires listening to their answer and taking action on what you hear. 

For about 15 years of my career, I was responsible for the global employee opinion survey for two different fortune 50 companies.  Do you know what the hardest part of my job was?  Trying to get senior management to actually do something based on the survey results.  They read the survey results.  They asked me to cut the data 20 different ways until analysis-paralysis set in.  But getting them to actually act on the information?  Not so easy.

One year the CEO asked me to come explain why the survey results had been declining over the past few years.  Easiest presentation I ever did.  With a marker I drew a 3-part cycle on a flipchart.  ASK leads to LISTEN leads to ACT which returns to ask.  In the middle of the circle I wrote the word TRUST.  

I went on to explain.  You either create a virtuous cycle where trust is built because you keep the promise you made to people when you asked them for their opinion, through listening to and acting on the feedback.  Or the whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket because you keep breaking your promise through asking, asking, asking and never listening and acting.  The cycle becomes vicious because your lack of action indicates you did not like what you heard.

Did I get fired?  No.  Did they change their behavior?  No.  Did I ever administer a global opinion survey for them again?  Nope.  That trust bank account was empty!

The moral of this story.  If you want to keep people engaged, absolutely you must ASK and then you must LISTEN and ACT.  Read Love ‘em or Lose ‘em.  Each chapter has lot of easy ideas you could implement based on what you hear.

The Demise of a Super Hero: Answer Manager

A favorite article of mine, published in 1974 by Harvard Business Review, boasts the creative title:  Who’s got the monkey?  The article is one of the first to implore managers not to solve every problem their employee brings through the door, but rather support the employee in developing problem-solving skills.  And then empower the employee to be accountable for problem resolution.

The analogy used in this article is that each problem brought to you is a monkey that you must now take care of and feed.  And if you believe you must solve the problem for your employee, because that is your job, you end up with an office full of monkeys.  And if that’s not enough, your office was already full of your own gorillas and orangutangs.  You have become the primate zookeeper.

A manager’s role in problem solving can be tricky.  How do you balance giving support that is needed, without taking on the problem?  How do you empower an employee to be accountable when you fear that it won’t be done right (or should I say your way?). And yet, you are fully aware that you are out of bananas and simply can’t take on another monkey!

To fix this dilemma, there is a mindset that needs to change.  Somehow, we’ve come to believe that job of the manager is to become the superhero, Answer Manager.  This superhero feels the pressure to always provide an answer; to fix any problem put in front of them.  When our focus is answer manager, we miss the fact that often people aren’t asking you to fix anything.

We see this in our home relationships as well.  How often do we shut down our child or our spouse because as they start to share a concern, we put on our solution ears and jump in with advice.  The response from the loved one is often, “Sigh, why do I bother.  I don’t want a solution; I just want you to listen”.  As I shared this in one of my workshops, a participant said, “I’ve been known to take answer manager to the extreme.  I tell them what they could have done to prevent the problem in the first place!”

The kryptonite to this answer manager superhero is to learn to coach problem resolution.  Coaching is when accountability and ownership stays with the person you are coaching.  John Whitmore, author of Coaching for Performance (and the GROW model) put it this way:

 Building awareness, responsibility and self-belief is the goal of the coach

Here are ten questions I use to Coach the Gap.  That is,  coaching problem solving without being answer manager or becoming primate zookeeper.

1.     Let’s take a moment and see if we can overcome this problem / roadblock (G)

2.    Summarize for me what’s been going on (R)

3.    What would a perfect resolution look like? (G)

4.    How would you describe the gap that needs to be closed? (R)

5.    What could you do to close this gap? (O)

6.    What might be a good first step? (O)

7.     What else?  What’s another idea? (O)

8.    What approach / idea do you want to focus on? (W)

9.    How can we make the plan SMART? (W)

10. When shall I check back? (W)

May answer manager rest in peace!

True Grit

Recently I was asked to design a workshop on Resilience.  Probably no surprise given the currently situation of our world.  I began by looking-up the definition of resilience.  Here’s a few I found:

• The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties

• An ability to recover from or adjust to misfortune or change

• Process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress

• Not just bouncing back but involving profound personal growth

My favorite is the last:  Not just bouncing back but involving profound personal growth.  That definition reminded me of the movie – True Grit.  Whether you’re a fan of the 1969 version with John Wayne and Kim Darby or the 2010 remake with Jeff Bridges and Hailee Steinfeld, the message is the same.  The real resilience was the heroine’s ability to transform another life.  In so many ways, her grit restored life to the washed-up US Marshall.  Truly, profound personal growth occurred.

As I reflected on what leaders might do to build resilience, I decided to play around with the acronym TRUE GRIT.  Here’s what I came up with:

G = Clarify the Goal

• Find Purpose

• Focus on the Future

• Hopeful Outlook

R = Rely on Relationships

• Help Others

• Build Community

• Practice Encounter Listening™

I = Innovate during Challenge

• Find the Opportunity

• Strive, Struggle and Grow

• Stay Flexible

T = Take Care

• Mind your Health

• Foster Positive Thinking

• Practice Gratitude

As leaders, we might truly support resilience through creating a work environment filled with:

Trust

Resourcefulness

Understanding

Empowerment

May our followers say of us, as Mattie Ross says to Rooster Cogburn, “They tell me you’re a leader with True Grit.”

Be a Better Feedback Giver: How to begin?

I find the trickiest part of a feedback session is how to open it.  Let’s face it; people can get defensive when we say, “Could I give you some feedback?”  You want to start the conversation such that defenses stay low and buy-in to change stays high. Here’s a few best practices:

•  Keep it short – don’t go on and on describing the situation and its impact.  They were there!  They know what happened!  And if you keep rambling on they are just going to get more nervous or more angry, and certainly more defensive.  Really, you just need about 30 – 60 seconds to open up the conversation. 

•  Give a specific example – People need an example to ensure we are talking about the same thing.  They don’t need a laundry list of examples.  That makes them defensive.   Just one concrete example.  I like the SBI approach from the Center of Creative Leadership.  Somewhere in your opening you briefly describe the Situation, their Behavior and the Impact on performance.  Again, a short description.

I liken this approach to taking a band aid off a child.  It’s best to just rip it off.  Don’t gingerly peel.  Sure, it might sting a little, but the real work of FeedForward, is figuring out what is going to be different in the future. 

•  FeedForward to Next Time – in your opening create a supportive, future looking atmosphere.  You are here to help figure out what can be done to make tomorrow, more effective than today.  Create a let’s get this thing figured out attitude.  Help them see this as a growth opportunity and a win-win.

•  Turn the conversation over to them – get them talking.  Defenses go down when people get to talk.  As for you, get really curious about their point of view and why they think it is happening.  It is a great sign of support to deeply listen and understand another person’s perspective

•  And one big don’t – never label their behavior.  Don’t be calling people sloppy, lazy, unprofessional.  Labels hurt. People take them to heart and it’s a withdrawal from the relational bank account that is hard to replenish.  Just describe the behavior.  Don’t label it!  If you want to learn more about the harm of labeling and name calling, read Dr. John Gottman’s book – Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.  You’ll never call your spouse lazy again, unless you really want to get divorced.

Opening Template:

Joe, today I’d like to discuss what’s happening with customer xyz. I have some concerns that we may lose the account, so I’d like to figure out what we can do to improve our relationship with the customer. So, tell, me Joe, from your perspective, what’s been going on?

Be a Better Feedback Giver: Develop the mindset of FeedForward to Next Time

At a Chief Learning Officer forum, I heard Marshall Goldsmith talk about incorporating forward looking input into feedback surveys.  He used the term feedforward.  His point was, don’t just tell leaders what they are doing well or not doing well.  Give them a look forward as to what they will need to be successful in the future.  His play on the words of feedback and feedforward made me wonder how I could be a better feedback giver if I provided feedback with the intention of helping the person be more successful in the future than they are today.  

“Focus on the promise of the future rather than the mistakes of the past”

— Marshall Goldsmith

 We all want to give feedback so that it is heard, understood, accepted and actually results in a change in behavior.  As I researched the criteria for good feedback, I found many of the same tips repeated in what I read:  be timely, give a specific example, create a SMART plan of action, follow-up. 

And these tips are all good, but from my point of view, the critical key to successful feedback is: has the feedback giver examined intentions?  That is, ask yourself, why am I giving the feedback in the first place. Specifically ask yourself:

•       Whose interest do I have in mind.  [mine or theirs?]

•       What am I trying to accomplish with this feedback [penalize or create a different outcome?]

•       Am I thinking, I know what went wrong and how to fix it and I’m going to tell them or am I curious about their perspective, what they think might make it better next time, and by exploring together we will come up with a way to make it better?

The FeedForward mindset is one of a servant.  How can I support this person as they continue to grow?  Will this feedback help them continue to grow towards their best self?

 The word feedback itself, makes us focus too much on the past.  Yes, we want to assess the past for vital information, but the main purpose of feedback is to look forward.  What can we do next time, so we continue to learn, improve and grow!  This is FeedForward to next time. 

LEADER KNOW HOW PRACTICE: APPLY IT TO YOUR OWN LEADERSHIP

Which mindset do you use?

FeedForward

Focus on the Future

Exploring, Discovering, Growing

Receiver Focused

Opportunity to strengthen the relationship

Looking for Reconciliation

Feedback

Focus on the past

Knowing, Telling, Correcting

Giver Focused

Careful not to harm the relationship

Looking for Retribution

Excellence through leveraging Signature Strengths

No two great leaders are alike.  That’s because one aspect of great leadership is striving for excellence through leveraging your signature strengths.

A definition of a strength is a transferable skill that comes naturally to you.  You probably don’t remember learning this skill.  You could just always do it.  People might say to you, “You’re so good at your strength.”  And you wonder, “Can’t everyone do this?”   I like to refer to your strengths as Signature Strengths, as they are the unique combination of the elements of your best-self, applied in the way only you can use them, becoming as one-of-a-kind as your signature.  Perhaps you are good at organizing things, or netting out the real issue, or getting others engaged. 

Identifying your Signature Strengths will help you develop excellence.  Success comes through leveraging strengths. By applying strengths, people bring their best to the challenge at hand.  This displays excellence.  

Leader Know How Practice: Apply it to your own leadership

Start a journal for about 30 days.  Ask yourself these questions:

1.     Where did I add value today?

2.    When did my best self show up?

3.    What did my best self look like when the best self showed up?

At the end of the month, read over your journal and analyze for themes.  The themes are your Signature Strengths.  Then write a description of how you add value and what your best self looks like when you leverage your Signature Strengths

Trust-Full Relationships

There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy and civilization throughout the world — one thing which, if removed, will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love.  On the other hand, if developed and leveraged, that one thing has the potential to create unparalleled success and prosperity in every dimension of life.  That one thing is trust.

The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey

What is Trust?

Trust is the critical element of a relationship.  As Stephen M. R. Covey puts it… Lack of trust destroys; Presence of trust creates.  My favorite definition of Trust is ‘firm reliance’.  As leaders we must ask ourselves:

• How would I describe the bond between the people I work with and myself?  Is it Full of Trust?  

• When I work with others – do we seem to give each other the benefit of the doubt – or is there constant doubt and questioning.  

• Would people say you are credible or question the accuracy of your statements?  Do others know we mean what we say, or do others always check for a hidden agenda?  

• When we hit a roadblock in a project, does the team seamlessly adjust to overcome, or does the roadblock stop the team in its track – needing crystal clarity to proceed.   

At work, we want relationships where we can firmly rely on each other, so that even when the inevitable problems and issues arise, we can continue to adapt and move forward.

If only Trust were simple in terms of what creates it and what breaks it down.  Trust is multifaceted and there are many reasons that trust is built and many reasons why trust breaks down.

When I think of my relationships, I find the following 6 facets helpful in understanding where trust is strong and where trust needs to be built.  Notice that there are two sides to each of these facets. As a Leader you might ask, “Do we believe each other to be...”  

The 6 Facets of Trust

Sincere – we both mean what we say; There are no hidden agendas between us

Competent – we have the skills & motivation to do what we commit to

Reliable – our past experience of each other indicates we have done what we said we would do

Credible – we substantiate our statements; being clear what is fact, perception and supposition

Empathy – we care about each other; trying to deeply understand the other’s point of view and situation

Integrity – we walk our talk; what we say and what we do are one

Leader Know How Practice: Apply it to you Own Leadership

1. Think of a person you do not trust at work.  Using the 6 facets above, assess where your relationship is not trust-full.

2. What are you doing differently (or extra) to make up for the lack of trust?

3. What might you do to rebuild trust in that area?

Why would anyone want to follow you?

Let’s start answering this question!

You’ve been a follower… Who do you follow? What is it about the person? What is it about the relationship?

Reflect for a minute: What character traits do you require in a leader?

“I love this question for its focus on the relationship between the leader and the follower”

 I have researched, experimented and taught tools and practices that help leaders develop the character traits others want to follow. From my research, 4 core character traits emerged. Which of these showed up on your list?

• Excellence in All you Do

• Being Trustworthy

• Acting with Integrity

• Living a Lifestyle of Stewardship

And with each of these character traits, I also discovered a parallel leadership mindset of serving the people you lead. The Servant Mindset underlies the relationship between leader and follower and is reflected in

• Coaching Excellence

• Future looking Feedback

• Being a Peacemaker in Conflict

• And Encounter Listening

It is my joy to share these lessons of leadership with you through my Leader Know How Blog