When I give a talk on body language, people want to know: What does it mean if I cross my arms? Should I be leaning forward or leaning backward when giving feedback? Is it okay to talk with my hands? What about eye contact? Should I…? Shouldn’t I…?
The answer is… IT DEPENDS.
Communicating through body language is less about specific gestures and more about what the entire body stance communicates (definition stance – the position or bearing of the body while standing). This applies to both receiving and sending information through body language.
Receiving Information through Body Stance
Receiving information through body stance is intuitive. In my talk I show this picture. Everyone instinctively knows this woman is stressed. We don’t need a degree in body language interpretation to understand what is going on internally. However, the part of understanding body stance where leaders often need development is the emotional intelligence connection, i.e., is my empathetic sensor working such that I slow down, interpret what I’m seeing and adjust my conversational approach? When she’s in this stressed-out body stance, saying to her, “What’s going on with project X? And why is it behind schedule and over cost?” is not an emotionally intelligent way to start the conversation. I’ve seen leaders do this many times; not observe the audience, fail to adjust the approach, and then act shocked when the message is poorly received!
The first lesson of interpreting body stance is: What’s happening on the inside is creating what is happening on the outside. Slow down, use what you perceive on the outside as clues to what’s happening inside and adjust your approach accordingly.
“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement, but the opposite of a great truth is another great truth.”
Sending Information through Body Stance
If what’s happening on the inside is reflected on the outside, could it also be true that what is happening on the outside could impact what’s happening inside of us? If we change our body stance (outside), might we feel and think differently (inside)? Might our body stance predispose us to think and act in a certain way? You might find it interesting that the second definition of stance is: a mental or emotional position adopted with respect to something. Hmmm…
For example, as I teach managers how to give effective feedback, they sometimes have a difficult time getting their mindset right. The mindset is often one of discipline vs. a mindset of discovery (that is, figuring out together what we could do to get performance back on track). I don’t know about you, but I stand very differently when I am in discipline mode vs. discovery mode. Just ask my children – Mom standing with her feet firmly planted and her hands on her hips is NOT a good sign. But if I catch myself and shake out my shoulders and loosen up my stance, I find my mental attitude shifts. I’m much less likely to think ‘discipline’ thoughts and then act as a disciplinarian. In a relaxed, open stance, I’m much more likely to have a discovery mindset and ask my children a question about what happened.
Try it!
Take a moment and SMILE. Feel the shift in your mood and perspective
Your body stance can take the lead on establishing the internal mindset you want. And when your stance and your mindset are integrated, your communication is more effective. Shifting your outside (body) shifts what happens inside (mood and attitude) enabling you to create a better, holistic, approach.
Actors know this. Greatness in acting is not just a well-read line – it is a line delivered well through intonation, gestures, and body stance. In my coaching certification program we were taught (and practiced) four basic body postures – just like actors study. The point of the practice of body postures in my coaching program? To learn to match my body posture to the needs of the interaction, creating a shift in my internal mood and mindset. And the reason we had to practice the different body postures is that most of us are stuck in 1 or 2 body postures, and therefore can’t leverage the full range of body stance to help us shift our inside. (My personal weakness was the flexibility stance – and so I had to practice hula hooping for 2 months to learn to embody flexibility!)
The second lesson of body language is: What happens on the outside effects what’s happening inside of us. Learn to use your body stance to adjust your internal perspective. Slow down, adjust your stance and your mindset will follow.
4 Body Stances
A quick summary of the four body stances follows. As your read through the four body postures, ask yourself:
Which stance is most comfortable?
Which stance is least comfortable?
Where are each of the stances needed in my work and life?
How might I practice shifting my stance to better fit the situation?
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The Stance
• Feet – One foot slightly forward, weight shifts forward
• Breath – Full, deep into belly, vigorously
• Chest – Full and forward
• Muscles – Arms and legs strong
• Eyes – Focused just about the horizon on a single point of direction
• Face – Shows Determination
Picture it! Film Role: Arnold Schwarzenegger – The Terminator
Creates the Mental Orientation of: Forward to an Important Goal
Use at work to: Set direction, lead forward, breakthrough obstacles, create focus, make dreams come true
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The Stance
• Feet – One foot slightly back, Weight shifts back
• Breath – Easy, gentle
• Chest – Open, like a container
• Muscles – Light muscular tone
• Eyes – Soft gaze toward the other person
• Face – Gentle smile, head slightly tilted to the side
Picture it! Film Role: Aunt Bea – The Andy Griffith Show
Creates the Mental Orientation of: Receiving, Connecting, Inviting
Use at work to: Welcome members to a newly formed team, give and receive feedback, enroll people in a new idea, listen for understanding, support others in personal crisis
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The Stance
• Feet – Firmly planted, weight evenly balanced – legs and arms
• Breath – Even and Measured – equal length to inhale / exhale
• Chest – Emblazoned with your insignia
• Muscles – At attention
• Eyes – Forward, looking over your domain
• Face – Assured and assuring
Picture it! Film Role: Jack Nicholson – A Few Good Men
Creates the Mental Orientation of: Consistent, Firm, Secure, Rules
Use at work to: Create process standardization, establish policy, reduce ambiguity, make logic based decisions, hold people accountable, provide safe ground
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The Stance
• Feet – Shifting left to right, weight on balls of feet
• Breath – Breath slightly accelerated, almost chuckling
• Chest – Flexible, fluid
• Muscles – Fluid, flexible
• Eyes – Alert, open wide, with a twinkle
• Face – Playful smile or grin
Picture it! Film Role: George Clooney – Ocean’s 11
Creates the Mental Orientation of: Play, letting go, wonder, experimentation
Use at work to: Brainstorm ideas, break from a routine, let go / change, play (flair and fun), learn, create